Moment,Relationship, and Death

When someone loses a loved one,typically there is going to be an assortment of emotions that person would need to sort through. The common one experienced,of course,is sadness. Another emotion experienced is regret. This emotion could turn to a self defeating belief,which certainly will complicate the grief process. When an individual passes away, weather sudden or prolonged, the survivor(s) will reflect back on the relationship. Instead of focusing on the relationship as a whole, they would pick a moment in time, usually the last interaction(or close to last)they may have had with the deceased. This moment could be something said or not said or something done or not done. A child may have walked away to take a break and a parent who was terminally ill passed. A couple could have gotten into an argument and the spouse died unexpectantly. The thoughts that evolve from this could impact on how a person deals with he loss."He dies alone", "This is the last moment we had", "I never said how much she meant to me". These are all passages in time the grieved could dwell on. In reality, there are very few story book closures we can have. If the relationship was significant, true closure may not happen for a time after death. Naturally we want to squeeze every moment we can out of significant relationships. However, it is important to focus on the relationship as a whole. Focusing on a part of it is truly not reflective on the relationship as a whole. One quiz does not make a grade, one report does not make a career, and one interaction does not define the relationship.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to:I'm extremely depressed and angry about being unemployed for some time. How do I go on without having a mental breakdown?

In today's economy, I am sure you are not alone. There are many people who share your plight. The fear you face is understandable. Individuals could experience the following feelings: worry, unproductive, boredom, self defeated, and pessimistic, to name a few emotions. It is important that you take steps to try to take control over areas of your life that you can. Click for more

Mark Myers expert answer to: Depression: I keep punishing myself, always doing the opposite of what I should. How can I quit doing this? There is a self defeating cycle you have gotten yourself into. When you do not accomplish tasks that you like to, you beat yourself up. The more you beat yourself up the less confident you more

Genetic Link to Internet Addiction Identified!

Internet addiction is not a figment of the imagination, according to a study published in the Journal of Addiction Medicine. Interestingly, the study also found that the link occurs more frequently in women. Read more: http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/332082#ixzz278nRQWi9

Process versus Results

We are a result driven society. Places of employment, voters, consumers, and within the medical field, look at results as being the measuring stick of success. There are many businesses and government agencies whose sole function is to gauge results of an industry or product. This is the nature of our culture. In addressing issues between two individuals, it is counterproductive if we rely too much on results for measuring success. Obviously we want our efforts to pay off and reach a successful outcome. The challenge is that there are too many variables in place to solely rely on this as a true measuring stick of our efforts. Examples that come to mind are relationships. When a husband or wife believes their efforts in repairing a relationship are measured by them staying married, this leads to problems. If the husband or wife is involved with someone else, has already checked out of the marriage, or has a drug, alcohol, or mental health problem that impacts on them, the likelihood of them remaining married will be limited. The person is depending on the other person acting on good faith and being of sound mind. In this scenario, and others like it, the outcome will not be to their satisfaction. This also applies to other areas aside from marriage. An individual I counseled left his place of employment he was at for several years. He left on great terms and kept in touch with his supervisor after he left. After a time, his former supervisor offered him a position back at the company. This included a considerable raise and other perks. He talked it over with his wife, family and friends as well as the head of the company and decided to take the position. As time passed, the company reneged on its promises creating an uncomfortable working environment. The person left the company with bad feelings. The decision he made did not provide for good results but the process he went about making the decision was healthy. Unfortunately, the outcome of the decision was depending on other party’s good faith and abilities. Instead of completely relying on results, access the process and effort you are putting in. Objectively evaluate what you can do differently. Accept your limitations of being human. Understand you are not able to control others and their decision making process. This will allow you to feel less guilty and free to make healthy choices. The recognition of your limitations in resolving the problem, will free up emotional energy to focus on decision making or maintenance.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: Why do I hate myself and how do I stop?

Why do I hate myself and how do I stop? Why you hate yourself is not important as to what to do about it. Often times, individuals find themselves in a bad spot. How they got could be influenced by genetics, life events, childhood upbringing, and/or current relationships(family, friends,work). Rather then focusing on the why's, invest your energies into changing thoughts and behaviors that are allowing you to struggle. more

Ten Ways to Prep for Back To School Success

Myers Counseling Group Solutions: Mark Myers Expert Answe to: How Can a man Who Doesn't Trust Anyone find A Girlfriend-Wife?

Myers Counseling Group Solutions: Mark Myers Expert Answe to: How Can a man Who Doesn't Trust Anyone find A Girlfriend-Wife?

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: How Can a man Who Doesn't Trust Anyone find A Girlfriend-Wife?

Mark Myers expert Answer to: Dating and Relationships: How can a man who doesn't trust anyone find a girlfriend/wife? The fact that you see this issue as your problem,that is a good start. Often times individuals with trust issues may blame their struggles on others(women cannot be trusted) rather than themselves(I have a trust issue). I would first suggest recognizing behaviors and thoughts that would reflect your trust issues. This could be done by writing down thoughts throughout the day. At days end, go back and review your journaling. It is important to start recognizing unhealthy thoughts("Woman cannot be trusted) and behaviors("I need to check up on her") and begin to replace them with healthier thoughts/behaviors .Once you give credibility to your mistrust thoughts, you start losing the battle. Initially there are going to be struggles. Just like a lot of issues, hard work and consistency could break this pattern. I would suggest having an outside source be able to give you objective feedback. In most cases, this would be a therapist who works with a Cognitive Behavioral or Solution focused approach.

Law Battles Synthetic Drugs

President Obama signed the Synthetic Drug Abuse Prevention Act of 2012 into law on July 9 as part of S. 3187, the Food and Drug Administration Safety and Innovation Act. The legislation bans synthetic compounds commonly found in synthetic marijuana (“K2″ or “Spice”), synthetic stimulants (“Bath Salts”), and hallucinogens, by placing them under Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act. click for full article

Students Taking Stimulants Not For High, But For a Higher SAT Score

He steered into the high school parking lot, clicked off the ignition and scanned the scraps of his recent weeks. Crinkled chip bags on the dashboard. Soda cups at his feet. And on the passenger seat, a rumpled SAT practice book whose owner had been told since fourth grade he was headed to the Ivy League. Pencils up in 20 minutes. The boy exhaled. Before opening the car door, he recalled recently, he twisted open a capsule of orange powder and arranged it in a neat line on the armrest. He leaned over, closed one nostril and snorted it. Throughout the parking lot, he said, eight of his friends did the same thing. The drug was not cocaine or heroin, but Adderall ......more

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: How Does One Deal with a 7 year old who seems to have anger management issues?

There are two directions you can approach this. The first is the Anger Management problem... more

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: I Am Addicted to Marijuana and Want to Stop."

From your description, you have two issues you are dealing with, depression and dependency on Marijuana. Both of those issues should be considered. There is a likelihood, they both may be contributing to each other, creating a feedback loop. If you are depressed you could enjoy the escape that comes from the high. The residual effects of the pot use leave you feeling lethargic, unmotivated, and in a "fog", which contribute to feeling depressed. more

My answer to: How do you cope with depression when the cause is your life is stagnant with problems with no solution.......

There are different ways a person may become depressed. It could develop can come from life situations(chronic unemployment, unhappy marriage), events(death of loved one, divorce), or from physiological origins (genetics, chemistry). Sometimes it could be a combination of one or all of the above. Just as depressive symptoms could develop differently, eliminating depressive symptoms could be approached using different courses of actions.

4-20 and Cannabis use

Today is April 20th. This day takes on special significance for individuals immersed in Cannabis use . It is used to identify oneself with Cannabis use culture. 420(pronounced four-twenty) is based on the number as well as the event. Although that are different beliefs of it’s origins, the most consistent theory is the term was first used by a group of teenagers in California. Their designated hang out was a wall outside their school. The term was used for the time of day that they would indulge in marijuana use. The term has evolved into a counterculture holiday in North America, where people gather to celebrate and consume cannabis. The term is used also as code to disguise dialogue from those who do not smoke marijuana.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: Why is saying "I'm sorry" a sign of weakness to some?

Apologies, are not a sign of weakness. In fact it takes courage and confidence to acknowledge you did something to warrant an apology. Humans make mistakes. Admission of error(s) acknowledges that you are taking responsibility for your actions. This demonstrates to others(employees, children etc.) good role modeling.

A codependancy issue: Engaging in addictive dialogue

Addicts enjoy the the feeling of getting high, weather it be drugs or alcohol. They also enjoy the function it may serve(feeling more comfortable in social settings, enjoying the escape, etc.). It is safe to say that a good portion of addicts would continue to use if outside influences(family, legal, employment)didn't make it more uncomfortable for them to use. The impact of their use must outweigh the benefits derived from their use, otherwise there would be no incentive to stop.

Family members forget this when they are discussing their significant others substance use. They allow themselves to engage in an addictive dialogue. Addictive dialogue is any discussion that detracts from the dependent's substance use and impact of it. Discussion turns onto other areas, or areas that would hold him/her less accountable. Examples would include: shifting blame("if you didn't nag I wouldn't drink so much."), avoiding accountability("I will not drink as much","I will cut back.") minimizing("I know plenty of people who drink more.) or other misdirections. The more gray area an addict can create in the discussion about their use, the more likelihood they can continue to use. Family members could get more focused on the discussion and avoid addressing the actual use.

It is important to not allow subjectivity to be a factor in addressing use. This would especially hold true if the subjectivity is the addicted persons. Shift more of a focus on measurable or objective discussions. An example would be an addict saying they will be cutting back. That is a gray area. Cutting back how much? If someone is drinking a case a beer a day, forty beers a day is cutting back. A statement such as "I will not drink at all" is more realistic to gauge. Another example is discussing the belief about legalization of marijuana with an adolescent detracts from discussing his or her using. If as a parent you do not want your youth using mind altering drugs, the legalization of it is irrelevant. Stay in a black or white focus. The clearer you are in your expectations, the easier it will be for the addict or alcoholic to stay on track. Once you start engaging in a addictive dialogue, the greater the chance the addicted person will be less accountable for their actions.

6 Tips for Better Facebook Parenting

Recently, many people chimed in about the “Laptop Shooting Dad‘s” reaction to his 15-year-old daughter’s Facebook posts. Not only is the subject of social media parenting popular, but his stunt has surpassed 30 million views on YouTube.

While it’s evident that we live in a country of extremes — parents who use guns to make a point vs. parents that find this version of parenting horrific — the bottom line is that we all struggle to find the right balance when helping our kids through their tumultuous teen years.

During a recent #theonlinemom Twitter chat, nearly 400 parents weighed in with what they believed to be fitting alternatives to shooting nine bullets through a laptop. For instance:

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: "I'm overwhelmed and tired these days, and never seem to have time to take care of myself. I'm also low on social contact, as my responsibilities are intense. Can anyone offer ideas on how to break out of this box?"

"My situation includes being (temporarily) a single mother to two mentally ill children, a financial crisis, a husband in rehab and a lack of relatives to help with the above. Eeek."
There appears to be more demands on you then resources. Lets start with your children. Depending on the ages of your children and the mental health issues they are experiencing, getting support in this area is extremely important.

Observations Observations [RSS feeds for Observations] Opinion, arguments & analyses from the editors of Scientific American Observations HomeAboutContact Smoke and Mirrors: Driving While High on Marijuana Doubles One’s Chances of a Serious Car Crash

Booze is behind an estimated 2.1 million car accidents each year in the U.S.—which cause almost 11,000 traffic fatalities annually. But many drug users have claimed that a few puffs of pot before getting behind the wheel are perfectly harmless. A new study, however, shows that drivers who smoke marijuana within a few hours of hitting the road are almost twice as likely as stone-sober motorists to be in a crash that results in serious injury or death.

Chicago aldermen OK ban on synthetic cocaine

Chicago aldermen today approved a measure that would ban the sale of synthetic cocaine within the city and levy fines of up to $1,000 on retailers who violate the ordinance.

Under the measure, set for a Wednesday vote by the full council, businesses also could see their licenses suspended or revoked for selling the substances, which have become more common in recent years.

Sometimes euphemistically called bath salts, or labeled with monikers such as “8 ball” or “herbal sachet,” the substances labeled “not for human consumption” are snorted, said Cara Smith, deputy chief of staff for Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: I'm pretty sure that I have a mild case of depression and it's affecting people around me. How can I rebuild my relationships with them?

Depression could have different points of origins. An negative event... a loss of job, divorce, or other event transpired that causes you to be depressed. There could also be a situation in life that you are in that makes you feel depressed... unhappy marriage, unfulfilled job or health problems are some examples. Lastly, there could be a physiological cause of your depression. Life could be going well but you just feel depressed.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: How can I overcome all fear?

There certainly can be some adjustments made to how you think about yourself. There is serious self doubt and negative self concept you have going. I am sure this is evident when people talk to you. Logically, for people who have poor self images, they present themselves in the same way they feel.

Mark Myers expert answer to:

To live fearlessly is to live recklessly. Some degree of fear is not only normal but healthy. Just like any other human emotion, it gives us a signal and tells us something about the environment we are in. To live with out fear totally, is not only dangerous but improbable.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: Should you be pessimistic about relationships that move too quickly?

For relationships that develop "quickly" I believe some degree of caution should be in order. Since quickly is a subjective term, it would be nearly impossible to establish a measuring stick of what is "too" quick. For some people, if they have had some relationships in the past and know what they are looking for, the courtship process may move more swiftly in than for other relationships.

Mark Myers expert answer to: I am angry, irritated, and frustrated most of the time. How do I control this?

The symptoms that you describe(irritability, pessimism, lack of ability to accomplish tasks) could mean that you could be suffering from depression. This diagnosis would need to be confirmed by a professional. What you are experiencing has nothing to do with being a good person.

Shortages of ADHD Medications

Are you experiencing difficulty in getting prescriptions filled for ADHD medications

such as Adderall, Metadate, or their generic forms?

Earlier this week,.

10 Tips for Deciphering Diet and Nutrition Claims [Excerpt]

Editor's note: The following is an excerpt from the new book Coffee Is Good for You: From Vitamin C and Organic Foods to Low-Carb and Detox Diets, the Truth About Diet and Nutrition Claims (Perigee, 2012), by Robert J. Davis, who teaches the Emory University's Rollins School of Public Health.

Trying to make sense of the seemingly endless stream of food and nutrition claims can be overwhelming. Remembering the following 10 rules will make the task easier and allow you to stay focused on what's really important:

Seasonal affective disorder

Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, also known as winter depression is an affective,

or mood disorder.Most SAD sufferers experience normal mental health throughout most of the year, but experience depressive symptoms in the winter or summer.