A codependancy issue: Engaging in addictive dialogue

Addicts enjoy the the feeling of getting high, weather it be drugs or alcohol. They also enjoy the function it may serve(feeling more comfortable in social settings, enjoying the escape, etc.). It is safe to say that a good portion of addicts would continue to use if outside influences(family, legal, employment)didn't make it more uncomfortable for them to use. The impact of their use must outweigh the benefits derived from their use, otherwise there would be no incentive to stop.

Family members forget this when they are discussing their significant others substance use. They allow themselves to engage in an addictive dialogue. Addictive dialogue is any discussion that detracts from the dependent's substance use and impact of it. Discussion turns onto other areas, or areas that would hold him/her less accountable. Examples would include: shifting blame("if you didn't nag I wouldn't drink so much."), avoiding accountability("I will not drink as much","I will cut back.") minimizing("I know plenty of people who drink more.) or other misdirections. The more gray area an addict can create in the discussion about their use, the more likelihood they can continue to use. Family members could get more focused on the discussion and avoid addressing the actual use.

It is important to not allow subjectivity to be a factor in addressing use. This would especially hold true if the subjectivity is the addicted persons. Shift more of a focus on measurable or objective discussions. An example would be an addict saying they will be cutting back. That is a gray area. Cutting back how much? If someone is drinking a case a beer a day, forty beers a day is cutting back. A statement such as "I will not drink at all" is more realistic to gauge. Another example is discussing the belief about legalization of marijuana with an adolescent detracts from discussing his or her using. If as a parent you do not want your youth using mind altering drugs, the legalization of it is irrelevant. Stay in a black or white focus. The clearer you are in your expectations, the easier it will be for the addict or alcoholic to stay on track. Once you start engaging in a addictive dialogue, the greater the chance the addicted person will be less accountable for their actions.