Mark Myers Expert Answer to: What should I do if I cannot stop thinking about the fact that a friend I made recently talks to other people too?

Mark Myers expert answer to: What should I do if I cannot stop thinking about the fact that a friend I made recently talks to other people too? View answer:

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: Should you be pessimistic about relationships that move too quickly?

For relationships that develop "quickly" I believe some degree of caution should be in order. Since quickly is a subjective term, it would be nearly impossible to establish a measuring stick of what is "too" quick. For some people, if they have had some relationships in the past and know what they are looking for, the courtship process may move more swiftly in than for other relationships.

Cause and Effect in Relationships

Cause and Effect and Mental health


Human nature is to want to know the reasons for why things happen. It helps us understand or make sense of an event and the world around us. This is important in our relationships and daily life. If we do not  take into consideration the full ramifications of our decisions, we will run into problems later down the road. Individuals struggle with this concept in their day to day lives. They do not take into consideration that certain events will transpire from their actions or the actions of others. An example of this is a husband who complains that his wife is too dependent on him and that she is clingy.  As a result she develops more friends and spends less time with him.  Consequently, he complains about being left out.  Another example would be a teenager who does not hand in his/her homework and complains about her grade.

In the science community, it is called The theory of Cause and Effect.  This is used to explain the relationship between two events: one which is the cause and other which is the effect of the previous action.  A causes B.  It is used a way to research information and theories and is the basis for discoveries in the scientific community.  There are many cultural and religious references  in regards to this concept.  In regards to relationships, actions or cause(husband’s request for wife to become independent) creates a response or effect(wife seeking out new friends and spending less time with him).

Another type of theory that could be looked at in regards to relationships is a spurious relationship or event. This is when a cause and event (effect) happens, and another event is falsely attributed to it. There is a something else that affects the outcome and another event is erroneously connected to it. An example of this is a husband who drinks in excess(event) and blames his drinking on his wife complaining(cause).  If we look at this from a logical perspective, there is another cause or reason behind his drinking. He is attributing his drinking to a unrelated or spurious event. Another example is a student who does not hand in his homework (cause) receive a bad grad (effect) and blames it on the teacher being mean(spurious relation). This challenge could present itself in many different ways. It is helpful to identify spurious relations in our struggles.

There are several factors that could impact on how this plays out in relationships and decisions.  A person’s history(growing up and past family interactions), self esteem, problem solving abilities, and decision making.  When making major decisions, it is important to step back and look at what events most likely will fall into place after the decision.  Equally important, to understand spurious relations and how you may accept or assign responsibility in decisions that have no impact on the initial decision.

Depression

Depression is a common illness that affects up to 12% of men and 25% of woman during their lifetime. The symptoms may persist for most of the day, nearly every day, or throughout

the day. It may develop over days to weeks. The severity of it could also vary among individuals. Depression is not merely feeling down and out. It could have a profound and devastating

impact on individuals and families. Depression is a medical illness that can be treated with counseling and\or medication. It is not a

weakness or character defect. 

Individuals suffering from depression are likely to experience:

# A depressed mood for most of the day

# Loss of interest in pleasurable\recreational pursuits

# Sudden changes and excess in eating and sleeping habits

# Feeling fatigued or rundown

# Persistent feelings of hopelessness

# Difficulties concentrating and\or making decisions

# Anxious feeling

# Feeling hopeless

Causes of Depression

There are both physical and psychological causes of depression. Some people are born being more susceptible to depression through family history, illnesses, and chemical imbalances. Others may be experiencing psychological or emotional causes involving death of loved ones, divorce, loss of job, or

other life circumstances.

Treatment for Depression 

 If you are treated by a therapist, a variety of approaches may be introduced. One approach in and of itself, may not be the answer. A combination of approaches might significantly reduce your symptoms. Therapy can help you gain new insight and awareness into thoughts as well as, behavior that contributes to depression.

Altering lifestyle and approach to life often have a positive impact on an individual. Included are some suggestions for addressing symptoms of depression. Nutrition Significant progress has been made in

investigating how nutrition can influence mood and behavior. Caffeine is a nervous system stimulant which

can affect sleep. Processed and sugary foods tend to deplete the body’s energy reserves in the long run

which could influence fatigue factors. Consider the use of vitamins and mineral supplements. Your doctor or

other trained professionals can assist you in making nutritional choices. 

Exercise

Exercise can help disrupt the pattern of depression and fatigue. The body becomes better able to handle the

effects of physical and emotional stress. Exercise can positively affect the neurochemistry of the brain.

Many find that going for walks, especially in the morning, can improve one’s outlook on life. Exercising could also improve an individuals self confidence in setting and achieving physical goals. 

Supportive Relationships 

There is an increasing correlation between supportive relationships and health. Relationships provide encouragement and help fulfill a very important human need. Often being with others helps balance the focus

between oneself and others. It is important to identify individuals who are truly supportive. Be careful to choose supportive people rather than those who may be negative or demanding. It is also important to understand peoples limitations in giving support. Some individuals may not be able to offer the consistent support that you need. If you expand your resources through community networks (i.e., Y.M.C.A.’s,

support groups, etc.), this would enable you to have the ongoing support you require.

Education Individuals can learn about the treatment of depression from doctors, books, the Internet, and peers. Knowledge can be empowering and reduce depression symptoms because individuals understand their symptoms better. 

Realistic Expectations 

Sometimes, individuals have difficulties setting realistic expectations. Their goals for themselves are usually very high or low. Cognitive restructuring can be helpful in providing structure for realistic goal setting.

Rational Thoughts

Thoughts play a key role in influencing feelings and behavior. Cognitive restructuring can assist you in learning

how to change often predictable and self-defeating thoughts. Through increased awareness and practice,

unrealistic thought patterns can be replaced with more rational ones. 

Medication

Medication can help stabilization of functioning and create opportunities for other aspects of treatment to be

beneficial. Medication is often utilized when there is significant impairment in day to day functioning. Because each person differs biologically and psychologically, it is important to discuss the use of medication with your

doctor or psychiatrist.