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Children are more likely to get themselves in trouble when they are bored or hungry. Since most children may not be able to express themselves, or at certain ages have good insight into their own self awareness, they may act out on their feelings. Certain children may not have the disposition to watch or be watched by an older sibling in general, or a sibling in particular. Their personalities just may not click, especially if there is an age difference. Older teens are more interested in being with peers and as a rule spend less time with family. Children may also put or be put in a position of authority, without the ability to carry through consequences as a parent would. If there is a special needs child, a sibling may be ill equipped to handle disciplinary issues. Also, parents who resolve their own differences through yelling or screaming, are teaching their children to work through their problems the same way.
Family stresses such as divorce, relocation, and illness will also impact sibling relationships. Children may act out on their stress rather than verbalizing or trying to work through these issues. If parents are experiencing stress, this may take away their time and ability to address issues as well with their children. Oftentimes, rivalries are intensified by competition for parental attention. A parents role is to help children learn the skills to work through these issues. Important problem solving skills could be developed by encouraging children to compromise or negotiate agreements with one another. Not all issues between siblings can be resolved at any given moment.
Children who have had much discord at earlier ages, become good friends later in life. Parents can help their families through this time by:
● Making sure you treat each child fairly and consistently
● Be proactive: determine times and places these rivalries play out and plan for it.
● Be consistent with nap times and snacks
● Set times up parent times for each child if possible.
● Pay attention to conflicts and make sure children are heard. Being heard does not mean agreeing but acknowledging their point of view.
● Present it as a family goal to get along better with one another better. If consequences and incentives are laid out, children may be more invested in changing their behavior.
● Set clear ground rules and consistently follow through with consequences. If the family is going through stress, talk about it and normalize it. Offer your children an opportunity to express themselves.
● Monitor your own response to conflict and how kids may learn from this.
It is human nature for some conflict to exist between siblings. If the issues persist, it may be helpful to discuss your concerns with a professional therapist.
