Virtual Infidelity: Are You Guilty Of It?

Is a person really cheating on their spouse if the relationship never gets physical? Is it possible to have an online affair that goes too far?

Marrying Older-Wiser.

There are advantages to marrying later. You are more confident in your choices and less likely

to simply accept life as it comes. Education and being a part of the workforce gives you the ability to be a strong decision maker and create a life from a good solid foundation. You have had the opportunity to get to know who you are and what you want.

According to the joint studies statistics from the U.S. and Great Britain, the average age of first time brides and grooms is getting older. Today's couples are choosing to marry later than couples. The average age range is thirty to forty-two for some first-timers. A big difference from just twenty years ago, when the average age span was somewhere in your twenties.

There are solid reasons for this trend of older brides and grooms.

Advanced education.
Getting a college degree is no longer seen as the end of a man or woman's formal education. Unlike generations past, where post-grad education was something you did after marriage, if at all, both men and women want to obtain post-graduate degrees or specialized certifications before settling down.

Financial security.
People in their early thirties and forties are making quite sure of their own financial future before committing to a legal relationship. They are seeking mates who are as financially solvent as they are and who can bring this type of security to the marriage table.

Finding out who you are and what you really want, one of which is ownership of property.
Paying rent for an apartment is no longer desirable. Owning real estate, a co-op, townhouse, condo or house is almost a necessity.

The travel bug.
Europe, South America and world tours are big on their agenda. Part of a generation which grew up seeing the world on TV, they want to experience different cultures and traditions.

Having children later.
As far as starting a family, with advances in fertility available, couples who do want children can afford to marry later and let their biological clocks tick a bit longer. And afford seems to be the correct word here. An overwhelming majority of those interviewed in Great Britain said they wouldn't have children unless they could afford to have them. Less than twenty years ago, most couples said they "would somehow cope" if they started a family before they were financially ready.

Or deciding not to be parents.
Becoming parents is not a driving force for the older couple, marriage is the primary issue. Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby in younger marriages commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father farther apart, and bringing stress to the marriage. Choosing not to be parents is something that older spouses may not want or need. Satisfaction in job, marital union and personal achievement of goals seem to be prime for the older couple.

Marrying "older" may be good for your health as well as your finances.
Rather than luck and love, the most common reasons older couples give for their marital success are commitment, financial security, good health and a friendly companionship. They define their marriages as a creation that takes work, dedication and commitment (to each other and to the institution of marriage). The happiest couples are friends who share lives and are compatible in interests and values.

The general level of happiness in older marriages increases with the years they are together. Compared to couples who marry in their twenties, those who married significantly later report less work-related stress, less marital conflict and more couple interaction and satisfaction.

A calmer, happier life.
Men and women will not marry someone who has violent outbursts or tendencies. Older spouses are less likely to commit domestic violence because they are more invested in their spouses' well-being, and more integrated into a social network of friends and extended family.

Also noted was the lack of "in-law" problems. With age comes not only wisdom but a certain acceptance of other people and their foibles. You are comfortable in your own skin, confident in your opinions and ideals and not as likely to be "told what to do."

Religion is not an issue.
Older couples have a tolerance for what others believe and this is a happy medium in a marriage. In fact, women and men in their thirties and forties are more likely to opt for a non-sectarian ceremony than younger couples. Religious differences are not an issue that can cause arguments, hurt feelings, or threaten the union. Many couples of different religious backgrounds complement each other's varied beliefs.

All in all, the idea of marriage has changed dramatically but there is still one major priority for any marriage. Being aware of what is best for your own growth and happiness and finding someone with whom you want to share it all can work for all marriages.

© 2011 Kristen Houghton

To read more from Kristen Houghton, peruse her articles at KristenHoughton.com and visit her Keys to Happiness blog. You may email her at kch@kristenhoughton.com. Read the book critics call "sane and savvy advice for all a must-read," ranked in the top-selling 100 books of 2011 by Tower.com "And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First."

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Relationship Counseling: Are there any good websites or communities for discussing relationship issues?

Myers Counseling Expert answer via Quora.com  

I believe a general web search would turn up many options regarding forums. A word of caution is how you may decide to approach this situation. This  more

Building Happy and Healthy Marital Relationships

There are many special rewards to being in

a rewarding relationship. Studies indicate

the individuals live longer and are more

happy in fulfilling relationships. Having the

friendship, support, and understanding of a

significant other is very important for most

people. Building a good life together is a

continuous and sometimes challenging

process. Couple dissolution could impact on

physical health, mental health, on children,

work, and school. This post covers areas that research has identified as problem signs in a

relationship and steps couples can take to

repair relationships.

Signs of a relationship in trouble

Most relationships face some challenges at different times. When negative interactions are more prevalent than positive ones (research indicates a 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio is important to have), this usually indicates a problem relationship. One problem area relationships experience is criticism. This is where one person attacks the character of the other, usually

with blame. Couples make “you” statements. For example, instead of a specific statement, they make global statement (ie. you always....) Or instead of a statement specific to the situation, they make personal attacks (ie: you did this...).

Defensiveness or making excuses is another problem area. Examples would include, assuming the worst, disagreeing with negative mind reading, cross complaining, and denying responsibility.

Contempt or name calling. Making crude, subtle or hostile jokes, or mockery. Body language also plays a factor as does tone of voice. The goal tends to be elevating oneself at the expense of one’s partner.

Withdrawing or Stonewalling is when one listener withdraws from interaction(ie: one spouse leaves, looking away from talker). Men usually stonewall more then woman. 

Children and Relationships

Having children is often a wonderful and rewarding experience. However, romantic ideals are more difficult to hold onto when children are introduced. Finding a consistent parenting approach and time demands are challenges couples face.Communication skills are also put to the test in these situations.

Differences Between How Men and Women Interact

Men and women usually have different approaches to communications. Men have a tendency to withdraw more when in conflictual situations or when they feel rejected or hurt. Women tend to pursue discussions more in these situations. In the face of perceived danger men are

more likely to have trouble going back to a relaxed state then women.

Fair Fighting

Even the most compatible couples tend to have disagreements. It is not if you disagree or fight but how you do it. Name calling, bringing up past hurts and unresolved issues, physical and verbal intimidation, poor listening, discounting significant other, sarcasm, and trying to

mind read (assuming you know what your partner is saying without clarifying it) are all indications of a couple who does not fight fairly.

Effective Communication\Fighting

All the above problem indicators may happen in some degree in all relationships. We must realize that not all problems have solutions. It is not if we fight but how we fight. 

1. If we disagree, it is important to still feel respected and listened to.

2. Enjoying verbal intimacy... feeling listened to.

3. Using I statements instead of you.

4. Listening without giving advice. These are all important components of good communication. When we are withdrawn we become poor receivers of nonverbal cues that may help us come to

agreements. At this point any type of communication is ineffective.

Quality Time Together

Spending quality time together is helpful. Quality time together must be a priority for the relationship to be satisfying. Developing routines and rituals together and focusing attention on each other are important to marriages.

Compromise

Couples should realize not all problems have solutions. Even the most compatible couples can not agree on all things at all times. When we disagree it is not what you say but how you say it. Your partner should feel listened to and respected.

Relationship Building

Relationships could be compared to bank accounts. If we keep making withdrawals, the account will run out. Don’t dwell on conflicts and pick your spots for disagreements. Deposits, such as humor, appreciation, consideration, fun, and affection, are what keeps relationships going.

* Keeping things in perspective. How important is the issue you are disagreeing over.

* Listen to what your partner is trying to say. One task you can try in an argument is switch sides. * Argue from your partner’s point of view. This will test your listening skills.

* Negativity encourages negativity, being positive is contagious. Nurture fondness and  admiration, let your partner influence you, create shared meaning and show your appreciation for your spouse. In happy marriages negativity is generally seen as fleeting and situational. In

unhappy marriages it is viewed as stable. By focusing on repairing problems or conflicts, being supportive of each other, and expressing appreciation to each other you find the keys to happy relationships.