A codependancy issue: Engaging in addictive dialogue

Addicts enjoy the the feeling of getting high, weather it be drugs or alcohol. They also enjoy the function it may serve(feeling more comfortable in social settings, enjoying the escape, etc.). It is safe to say that a good portion of addicts would continue to use if outside influences(family, legal, employment)didn't make it more uncomfortable for them to use. The impact of their use must outweigh the benefits derived from their use, otherwise there would be no incentive to stop.

Family members forget this when they are discussing their significant others substance use. They allow themselves to engage in an addictive dialogue. Addictive dialogue is any discussion that detracts from the dependent's substance use and impact of it. Discussion turns onto other areas, or areas that would hold him/her less accountable. Examples would include: shifting blame("if you didn't nag I wouldn't drink so much."), avoiding accountability("I will not drink as much","I will cut back.") minimizing("I know plenty of people who drink more.) or other misdirections. The more gray area an addict can create in the discussion about their use, the more likelihood they can continue to use. Family members could get more focused on the discussion and avoid addressing the actual use.

It is important to not allow subjectivity to be a factor in addressing use. This would especially hold true if the subjectivity is the addicted persons. Shift more of a focus on measurable or objective discussions. An example would be an addict saying they will be cutting back. That is a gray area. Cutting back how much? If someone is drinking a case a beer a day, forty beers a day is cutting back. A statement such as "I will not drink at all" is more realistic to gauge. Another example is discussing the belief about legalization of marijuana with an adolescent detracts from discussing his or her using. If as a parent you do not want your youth using mind altering drugs, the legalization of it is irrelevant. Stay in a black or white focus. The clearer you are in your expectations, the easier it will be for the addict or alcoholic to stay on track. Once you start engaging in a addictive dialogue, the greater the chance the addicted person will be less accountable for their actions.

6 Tips for Better Facebook Parenting

Recently, many people chimed in about the “Laptop Shooting Dad‘s” reaction to his 15-year-old daughter’s Facebook posts. Not only is the subject of social media parenting popular, but his stunt has surpassed 30 million views on YouTube.

While it’s evident that we live in a country of extremes — parents who use guns to make a point vs. parents that find this version of parenting horrific — the bottom line is that we all struggle to find the right balance when helping our kids through their tumultuous teen years.

During a recent #theonlinemom Twitter chat, nearly 400 parents weighed in with what they believed to be fitting alternatives to shooting nine bullets through a laptop. For instance:

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: "I'm overwhelmed and tired these days, and never seem to have time to take care of myself. I'm also low on social contact, as my responsibilities are intense. Can anyone offer ideas on how to break out of this box?"

"My situation includes being (temporarily) a single mother to two mentally ill children, a financial crisis, a husband in rehab and a lack of relatives to help with the above. Eeek."
There appears to be more demands on you then resources. Lets start with your children. Depending on the ages of your children and the mental health issues they are experiencing, getting support in this area is extremely important.

Observations Observations [RSS feeds for Observations] Opinion, arguments & analyses from the editors of Scientific American Observations HomeAboutContact Smoke and Mirrors: Driving While High on Marijuana Doubles One’s Chances of a Serious Car Crash

Booze is behind an estimated 2.1 million car accidents each year in the U.S.—which cause almost 11,000 traffic fatalities annually. But many drug users have claimed that a few puffs of pot before getting behind the wheel are perfectly harmless. A new study, however, shows that drivers who smoke marijuana within a few hours of hitting the road are almost twice as likely as stone-sober motorists to be in a crash that results in serious injury or death.

Chicago aldermen OK ban on synthetic cocaine

Chicago aldermen today approved a measure that would ban the sale of synthetic cocaine within the city and levy fines of up to $1,000 on retailers who violate the ordinance.

Under the measure, set for a Wednesday vote by the full council, businesses also could see their licenses suspended or revoked for selling the substances, which have become more common in recent years.

Sometimes euphemistically called bath salts, or labeled with monikers such as “8 ball” or “herbal sachet,” the substances labeled “not for human consumption” are snorted, said Cara Smith, deputy chief of staff for Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: I'm pretty sure that I have a mild case of depression and it's affecting people around me. How can I rebuild my relationships with them?

Depression could have different points of origins. An negative event... a loss of job, divorce, or other event transpired that causes you to be depressed. There could also be a situation in life that you are in that makes you feel depressed... unhappy marriage, unfulfilled job or health problems are some examples. Lastly, there could be a physiological cause of your depression. Life could be going well but you just feel depressed.

Mark Myers Expert Answer to: How can I overcome all fear?

There certainly can be some adjustments made to how you think about yourself. There is serious self doubt and negative self concept you have going. I am sure this is evident when people talk to you. Logically, for people who have poor self images, they present themselves in the same way they feel.